20 Signs of an Insecure Relationship and How to Fix It

Do you ever find yourself feeling insecure in your relationship? If so, you’re not alone. Feeling a lack of security in a relationship is a common issue, and it can be difficult to know how to address it.

In this blog post, we'll look at 20 signs of insecurity in relationships and explore practical strategies for overcoming them. Whether you’re the one feeling insecure or the partner of someone who is, you’ll gain valuable insight into how to make your relationship more secure and mutually supportive. So, let's get started!

1) Jealousy

Jealousy is a common sign of insecurity in relationships, and it can take many different forms. It could be as simple as feeling threatened when your partner talks to someone of the opposite sex or develops a close relationship with someone else. It could also manifest itself in a form of possessiveness, where you feel like you have to control every aspect of your partner's life. Jealousy can lead to arguments, mistrust, and even emotional or physical abuse.

Jealousy often stems from fear and insecurity. When we feel insecure in our relationships, we tend to think our partner will leave us for someone else or won't love us anymore. This can lead to feelings of jealousy, which can be damaging if left unchecked. It is important to remember that jealousy does not necessarily mean that your partner is being unfaithful. It's a sign that something needs to be addressed in the relationship and that communication needs to be improved.

If jealousy is an issue in your relationship, it's important to talk about it openly and honestly with your partner. Find out what is triggering your feelings and what worries you have about the relationship. Then work together to come up with solutions that will make you both feel more secure and content. It's also important to practise self-care and focus on improving your self-esteem so you don't become too dependent on your partner for validation.

2) Control

One of the most common signs of insecurity in relationships is a need to control the other person. This is usually done through manipulation, such as guilt-tripping, or by asserting power over the other person.

In an insecure relationship, one partner may feel the need to dictate who their partner spends time with, how they dress, and what decisions they make. This can often lead to resentment and hurt feelings.

It is important to recognise the underlying insecurity in order to work on it together. Talk about the underlying reasons for feeling the need to control and work together to establish trust and understanding. Respect your partner's autonomy and independence, and learn to accept that you won't always be able to control them. Recognize when you're attempting to exert control and take a step back, allowing your partner to make their own decisions.

3) Lack of trust

Trust is one of the fundamental components of a healthy relationship. Without trust, it’s impossible for partners to feel secure in their relationship. A lack of trust can manifest in a variety of ways. One partner may be too suspicious and constantly question the other, or one may find it difficult to open up and be vulnerable with their partner.

Without trust, it is also difficult to communicate honestly. This means that when one partner has a concern, they won’t feel comfortable enough to express it. There may also be an underlying feeling of uncertainty and fear that the other partner may not be telling the truth.

A lack of trust can also lead to behaviours such as snooping or keeping secrets. This kind of behaviour will only further erode the trust between partners, leading to even more mistrust and insecurity.

If you are struggling with a lack of trust in your relationship, it’s important to communicate your feelings with your partner and work together to restore the trust that was lost. A good place to start is to be honest with each other, practise active listening, and create an atmosphere of open communication. It may also be beneficial to seek professional counselling if needed. Restoring trust takes time and patience, but with a little effort, it can be done.

4) Unhealthy communication

Unhealthy communication is one of the major signs of insecurity in relationships. Poor communication skills can lead to misunderstandings, frustration, and even fights. Unhealthy communication can manifest itself as criticism, name-calling, sarcasm, and other forms of verbal abuse. It can also be seen in a lack of communication, such as not talking through issues and never making time to connect.

It’s important to discuss issues openly, calmly, and respectfully. If you or your partner find yourselves engaging in unhealthy communication patterns, seek out couples therapy or other counselling to help address the issue. If your partner is unwilling to participate, seek individual counselling for yourself to help manage your emotions. Improving communication skills is an important part of addressing insecurity in relationships.

5) Always needing reassurance

When it comes to relationships, insecurity often manifests itself in the form of always needing reassurance from your partner. This can be anything from needing your partner to constantly remind you how much they care about you to needing them to constantly reassure you that they are faithful. Constantly seeking validation from your partner is a sign of deep-rooted insecurity and can have a negative effect on your relationship.

At its worst, this behaviour can lead to the kind of codependent relationship that is not healthy for either partner. When you feel like you must constantly get reassurance from your partner to feel secure, it can lead to feelings of resentment, possessiveness, and distrust.

The best way to address this type of insecurity is to work on building self-confidence and self-esteem. Once you start to recognise and appreciate your own worth, you will no longer need your partner’s constant validation. You should also talk openly and honestly with your partner about how their actions are making you feel so that they understand where you're coming from and can help create a more secure environment for both of you.

6) Emotional insecurity

One of the most common signs of insecurity in relationships is emotional insecurity. This type of insecurity occurs when someone is afraid of getting hurt emotionally. They may become overly clingy, jealous, or possessive in an effort to feel secure. They may also become defensive or act out when their partner does something that makes them feel vulnerable.

Emotional insecurity can manifest in various ways, such as mood swings, overreacting to small things, mistrusting your partner’s motives and decisions, or constantly seeking reassurance from your partner. It can also lead to feeling like you’re not good enough or that you’re not worthy of your partner’s love.

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, it’s important to recognise that your feelings are valid and that it’s okay to express them. The key is to communicate with your partner openly and honestly about your fears and worries so that you can work together to build trust and create a safe, healthy relationship.

7) Being possessive

Being possessive is one of the more obvious signs of insecurity in a relationship. This can manifest itself in many ways, such as trying to control where your partner goes and who they spend time with, constantly asking where they are and what they’re doing, or not allowing them to have any privacy. When one partner is possessive, it creates an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship, as it can lead to feelings of suffocation and resentment from the other partner.

Possessiveness can also be a sign that the insecure partner is not sure about the strength of the relationship or their own self-worth. They may think that by having control over their partner, they can prevent them from leaving or having interests outside of the relationship.

The best way to deal with possessiveness is through communication and understanding. Talk to your partner about why they may be feeling this way and help them recognise and understand the impact their behaviour has on the relationship. It's important for each partner to remember that relationships need freedom and trust in order to work. Work together to create healthy boundaries in the relationship and reassure your partner that you are committed to the relationship and will not leave them.

8) Physical insecurity

Physical insecurity is often expressed through possessive behaviours and extreme jealousy. When someone is feeling physically insecure, they will often become controlling of their partner’s movements and activities. For instance, they may become jealous of their partner’s friends or limit their partner’s time with them. They may also express their physical insecurity through physical violence or verbal abuse, attempting to control their partner through fear.

Physical insecurity can be very damaging to a relationship, as it leads to a lack of trust and a breakdown of communication. It’s important to address this kind of insecurity before it has the chance to do too much damage. If you are feeling physically insecure in your relationship, talk to your partner and make sure that they know how you feel. It’s important to be honest and open with your partner so that you can find ways to build trust and security.

9). Financial insecurity

Financial insecurity in relationships can take many forms. It could be that one person has control over all the finances and the other is unable to access any information, or it could be that one person is constantly criticising the other's spending habits. It could also be that one person is always asking the other for money and never giving any back. Financial insecurity can lead to a lot of tension and mistrust in a relationship, making the other person feel like they’re constantly being judged.

If you’re feeling financially insecure in your relationship, the best thing you can do is talk about it openly and honestly with your partner. Discuss what your expectations are for each of you when it comes to money and how you will handle joint expenses. Try to come up with a plan that works for both of you, and try to find ways to compromise if you don’t always see eye-to-eye. It’s important to remember that financial security doesn’t necessarily come from having a lot of money, but from feeling secure in how it’s being managed.

10). Social media insecurity

Social media insecurity is a common sign of insecurity in relationships. It can manifest itself in a variety of ways, from constantly monitoring your partner's social media activity to checking their phone or computer for evidence of cheating. It may also involve excessive jealousy of their connections with or interactions with other people on social media.

Social media insecurity is a serious issue that can put a strain on any relationship. If you’re feeling insecure about your partner’s social media activity, it’s important to talk to them about your feelings and discuss why it’s making you feel uncomfortable. This can help both of you gain a better understanding of each other and address any underlying issues that might be causing the insecurity.

You can also consider setting some boundaries around social media use in the relationship. This could involve limiting the amount of time spent on social media, restricting access to accounts, or having an honest conversation about how social media affects your relationship.

Ultimately, if you’re struggling with insecurity in your relationship, it’s important to talk to your partner about it. Communication is key to creating a secure, healthy relationship, and talking through any worries or doubts can help create understanding and trust between you both.

11) Comparing your relationship to others

Comparison is the thief of joy, and it can be especially damaging in relationships. When you start to compare your relationship to others, you’re essentially comparing your partner to someone else’s—and no one wants to be measured up against an unrealistic standard. Constantly comparing your relationship to others will lead to a vicious cycle of envy and dissatisfaction, which can be extremely damaging for both partners.

It’s important to remember that every relationship is different, and even couples that seem perfect from the outside are dealing with their own struggles and issues behind closed doors. Focusing on what you have with your partner instead of what other people have will help you develop a more positive outlook on your own relationship. When you focus on the things that make your relationship special and unique, you’ll be less likely to feel envious of other couples.

12) Questioning your partner's motives

Questioning your partner's motives can be one of the most damaging signs of insecurity in relationships. It reflects a lack of trust and suggests that your partner cannot be trusted. When someone questions their partner's motives, it often causes more tension in the relationship and can lead to arguments and fights.

Questions like, "Why did you talk to them?" or "What were you doing in that room?" can make the other person feel like they are constantly being judged and questioned, which can be very damaging to the relationship. Additionally, it can lead to feelings of guilt and resentment, which can further damage the relationship.

In order to fix this insecurity, it is important to discuss openly how you are feeling and why you are questioning your partner's motives. It is also important to recognise that your partner may not always be aware of the impact that their behaviour is having on you. Open communication and understanding will help to create an atmosphere of trust and respect, which are essential for healthy relationships.

13) Not being able to take constructive criticism

Constructive criticism can be an important part of a healthy relationship, as it provides an opportunity for growth and development. But when one partner has an insecurity issue, they may be unable to take constructive criticism without feeling attacked or judged. Instead of seeing constructive criticism as an opportunity to grow, they may become defensive or lash out. If you find that you are unable to take your partner’s constructive criticism without becoming defensive, then this may be a sign of insecurity in your relationship. To address this issue, try to practise self-reflection and take the time to really listen to what your partner has to say. This will allow you to gain perspective and also show your partner that you value their opinion. Additionally, it is important to stay focused on the actual feedback and not get distracted by your emotions. If you can manage to remain calm, you’ll be more likely to benefit from the constructive criticism and learn how to improve your relationship.

14) Reacting negatively to your partner's successes

When your partner succeeds in something, it can be easy to feel jealous or threatened. However, this feeling is a sign of insecurity in the relationship. Feeling threatened by your partner's successes can manifest in different ways, such as being dismissive of their successes, making snarky comments, or even directly attacking them.

It's important to recognise that your partner's successes are not a threat to you or the relationship. Instead, it is an opportunity to celebrate their success and be proud of them. It can also be an opportunity to take pride in your own accomplishments and successes rather than feel jealous of 

Try to focus on the positive aspects of your partner’s successes and celebrate with them. Remind yourself that when they succeed, it doesn’t mean that you have failed. Focus on how you can use their success as motivation to improve your own life and accomplish your own goals.

If you find yourself feeling threatened by your partner's successes, talk to them about it and let them know how you're feeling. Open communication is key to a healthy relationship, and talking about these issues can help ensure that both partners are comfortable and happy.

15) Feeling threatened by your partner's hobbies or interests

One sign of insecurity in relationships is feeling threatened by your partner's hobbies or interests. If you feel threatened by the activities that your partner enjoys, it could be a sign of insecurity in the relationship. This can be especially true if your partner is doing something that you feel is better than what you are able to do, or if you think that their hobby or interest may take time away from the relationship.

When feeling threatened by your partner's hobbies or interests, it can lead to feelings of resentment and jealousy, which can cause conflict in the relationship. If you are feeling this way, it is important to take a step back and recognise that your partner is allowed to pursue their own interests and passions, and that it doesn't reflect on the quality of your relationship.

The best way to address this insecurity is to have open and honest conversations with your partner about how you're feeling. Talk to them about why you feel threatened and let them know that their hobbies or interests are not a reflection of your relationship. Instead, focus on how you can both spend quality time together and find a way to support each other in both your individual interests and pursuits.

16) Being codependent

Codependency is an unhealthy dynamic between two people in a relationship. It occurs when one person relies excessively on another for their emotional needs and approval. This can manifest as giving up your own needs and desires to please your partner, feeling like you need them to validate your self-worth, or making decisions based solely on what your partner wants. When codependent behaviour is present, it’s often because one person in the relationship feels insecure and needs constant reassurance and validation from the other. In a codependent relationship, both partners tend to be overly dependent on each other, which can lead to feelings of resentment and a lack of autonomy.

Signs that you may be in a codependent relationship include always putting your partner’s needs before your own, feeling like you can’t exist without them, and allowing yourself to be treated poorly just to keep the peace. Codependency is not a healthy way to interact with your partner and can lead to further issues such as low self-esteem and depression.

The best way to address codependency is to talk openly with your partner about your feelings and to work on gaining more independence in the relationship. Make sure that you are also taking time for yourself outside of the relationship, as this will help you feel more secure in yourself and your relationship. Additionally, seek out counselling if necessary. With some effort, you can transform a codependent relationship into a healthy one where both parties are respected and their needs are equally valued.

17) Having double standards

One of the key signs of an insecure relationship is having double standards. This means holding one partner to different standards than you hold yourself. It can be seen in various ways, including when you expect your partner to meet unrealistic expectations while failing to meet those same expectations yourself.

For example, if you want your partner to spend more time with you and less time with their friends, but you don't follow that same rule yourself, then that is a double standard. If you expect them to always put your needs first but don’t do the same for them, then that is also a double standard.

Having double standards in a relationship can create a sense of resentment and insecurity on both sides. It can create a feeling of unfairness, which can lead to feelings of mistrust and anger in the relationship.

In order to fix this issue, it's important to recognise when you are falling into this trap and make sure that you are treating each other equally and fairly. Acknowledge your partner's needs and try to meet them in a way that works for both of you. This can help create a healthier and more balanced relationship.

18) Unrealistic expectations

Unrealistic expectations can be a major source of insecurity in relationships. This can happen when one partner expects their partner to always meet their needs or when they have an overly idealistic view of what the relationship should be like. Unrealistic expectations can lead to feelings of disappointment and resentment, and it’s important to be aware of them.

When it comes to unrealistic expectations, it’s important to remember that no one can always fulfil all of your needs, nor can they provide you with perfect love and support. It’s okay to have hopes and dreams for your relationship, but if they become too demanding, it can create a lot of stress and tension.

One way to avoid unrealistic expectations is to set realistic boundaries and expectations. Make sure both partners are clear about what they need from the relationship and agree to meet those needs in a respectful manner. Communication is key here; it’s important to talk about any concerns or worries that you may have about the relationship so that you can work together to find a solution that works for both of you.

It’s also important to practise self-awareness. By being aware of your own needs and desires, you can better understand what your partner may need from the relationship, too. Being mindful of your own feelings and behaviours can help prevent expectations from becoming too high or unrealistic.

By learning how to manage expectations and communicate openly, couples can overcome the insecurity that unrealistic expectations can create. With honest communication and understanding, couples can build a strong and healthy relationship, free from insecurity and disappointment.

19) Trying to change your partner

When you enter into a relationship, you accept your partner for who they are. However, an insecure partner may feel the need to try and change their significant other in order to make themselves feel better. This could involve anything from trying to get them to dress or act a certain way to convincing them to change their values.

No one should ever be made to feel like they need to change for their partner. When someone feels like their partner is attempting to change them, it can create tension and a feeling of insecurity. In turn, this can put a strain on the relationship.

The best way to deal with this is to talk about it openly with your partner. Explain to them how their attempts at changing you make you feel and that it isn't acceptable behavior. It's important to come to an understanding and make sure that both partners feel valued and accepted in the relationship.

20) Refusing to compromise

When it comes to relationships, compromise is essential. Compromise means finding a middle ground between two sides and coming to an agreement that satisfies everyone. But when one partner is insecure, they often have trouble compromising. This can manifest as the insecure partner refusing to change their mind or feelings, even when their partner makes valid points.This refusal to compromise often leads to arguments and hurt feelings.

It’s important for both partners to practise compromise in order to keep their relationship healthy. If one partner is feeling insecure, they should communicate this feeling to their partner so that they can both work together to come up with a compromise that works for both of them. Doing this will help the insecure partner feel validated and appreciated while allowing the couple to work through their disagreements without resorting to arguments or stubbornness.